koyamass (koyamass) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:

This is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago, but I never posted it.. Because I wasn't really satisfied with it. But my friend wants me to post it, so I'll do it anyway XD

And yes, I'll go read your fic now Ida XD sorry for taking so long~~

Title: This is the one I love
Pairing: Ryoda
Author: Me
Rating: PG
Summary: Ueda is sick of hiding his boyfriend to everyone.

“I can’t do this anymore…” It’s a tiny voice breaking through the silence in the totally dark room. The voice belongs to Ueda who’s sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. The sound is enough to wake Ryo up from his sleep and rub his eyes, dazed with sleep. He peers at the shape and grumbles.

“Why are you sitting there Tat-chan? Come back, I’m getting cold over here.”

The shape doesn’t move, Ueda just sighs deeply and Ryo gets the hint. He moves and sits down next to the boy, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“What’s bothering you?” He leans against him and places his head on his shoulder. Ueda sighs again.

“We should end this…” It’s almost a whisper, but the words hit Ryo like someone just threw a stone in his head.

“We should what…?” Even though he knows exactly what words he had just been saying, he needs him to repeat them.

“This isn’t working anymore Ryo, we can’t go on like this.” Ryo’s grip loosens and he turns to look at the boy. Ueda can’t manage to look him in the eyes, and keeps staring at the floor beneath them.

“What do you mean?” His voice is soft as he tries to remain calm.
“I mean what I just said, we should end this. Stop seeing each other like this.” Ryo still can’t accept the words even though this is the third time he’s hearing them. He just keeps staring at Ueda.

“Why? This is perfect, why are you suddenly saying this? Is it me? Have I done anything wrong?”

Ryo starts to sound anxious and Ueda just shakes his head slowly.

“No, it’s not you. It’s just… I’m sick of having a secret boyfriend.” He mumbles. Ryo sighs. This isn’t the first time he brings this up.

“You know we can’t be like any other coupe, it won’t work that way.” He plays with Ueda’s soft hair and tries to comfort him with the look he’s giving him. But Ueda’s gaze remains at the floor.

“I know, and that’s what’s bothering me.” Finally he meets Ryo’s eyes.  The face meeting him is not the face Ryo’s used to. It’s not the happy beaming face with sparkling eyes full of excitement. It’s a sad face, full of pain and sorrow. There are marks of tears left on his cheeks and Ryo’s heart is ripped apart by the sight.

“Tat-chan…” He whispers, almost inaudible. The fact that there are still tears slowly running down his cheeks, that this painful face he’s wearing and the words he had just been saying with such a cold voice, the fact that this is all because of Ryo is what’s hurting him the most.

“I wish we could be a normal couple too, I really do.” Ryo says. “But we can’t.”

“Why?” Ryo can’t bear to look at him and his gaze drops to the floor.

“You know why. Why are we having this discussion again?”

Ueda sighs again.

“It’s just that I want to have someone I can show to everyone. I’m sick of hiding you, sick of lying to my friends. I want to be with someone I don’t need to hide, someone I can kiss without having to check there’s no one else around.” Ryo doesn’t say anything; he knows this is hard for Ueda. Instead he leans against the boy again, takes his hand and squeezes it.

“It feels like we’re being trapped in our own world, that we’re isolated from the rest of the world, living our own life. It feels like we’re lying to everyone, and I can’t lie to my friends. Not anymore. I love you, I really do. But… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Ryo caresses his hand and places a soft kiss on his neck.

“I know how you feel, I understand. But this is how things are and we just have to deal with it.”

“But I don’t want to hide the one I love! I don’t want people to believe that I hate you, that I’m scared of you. And having you making up evil comments or teasing me every time I get near you is hurting me. I want to be with someone I can show and say ‘this is the one I love’.”

Ryo doesn’t know what to say. He searches for something comforting but remains silent.

“We should end this.” Ueda repeats, His voice is low and Ryo can tell by the way he says it that this isn’t what he really wants.

“Ueda… Come here.”  Ryo sighs and pulls Ueda into a loose hug. Ueda leans against him and exhales loudly while closing his eyes.

“This isn’t so bad, really. All time we’ve spent with each other have been moments of joy and happiness, and we haven’t had a single fight.  Do you remember when we went to Okinawa for a vacation together? It was great, wasn’t it? And do you remember when we spent a whole summer together, just the two of us, doing things only we wanted? That was the best summer ever, right? And when you got sad about a fight with the other members in kat-tun, who did you call and cried to? And who ran to your place and held you until you stopped crying? And who stayed awake all night by your side, just because you were afraid of nightmares?” Ryo makes a pause, letting Ueda process.

“Are you willing to give all of those moments and memories up, just because you want someone to show to your family and friends? Do you want someone to love, or someone you can be proud of? Will you be able to show someone else than me to your parents and say ‘This is the one I love.’? If that’s the case, then I’ll accept your feelings and step aside.” Ueda doesn’t say anything and Ryo starts to wonder if he has fallen asleep, but a low sound that seems like something between a sigh and a grumble, assures him that he’s still awake.

“I don’t need everyone to know about us. I’m fine like this. I don’t think we’re trapped in a world no one else can enter. I think we’re just sharing a secret no one else needs to know about. I don’t need someone else to confirm our love, I just need you. As long as I’ve got you, I’m fine. This has been the best time ever, right? I can’t see any reason to give this up. Are you really going to be happy with someone else?”

There’s another sigh coming from the other.

“I guess not…”

Ryo smiles to himself, pleased with winning another argument.

“Maybe someday we’ll be able to tell everyone.” Ryo turns Ueda’s face to look at him and uses his thumb to wipe away what’s left from the tears.

“And that day I’ll show you to my parents and say ‘this is the one I love.’” Ueda says and pouts.

Ryo grins and places a soft kiss on his lips “I’ll be waiting for that day.”


Ueda snuggles closer to Ryo’s chest and closes his eyes, his ear against the bare skin of the muscular body, listening to the other one’s heartbeats.

“Let’s go back to sleep now Tat-chan.” Ryo starts to move.

“Ne, Ryo-chan…” Ueda mumbles against his chest.


“You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

Ryo grins.
“I know.”



They lay down next to each other and Ryo covers them both with the blanket and pulls Ueda closer. He tangles their fingers together and places a kiss on Ueda’s shoulder.

“Next time you want to bring this up again, please don’t. You know you won’t leave me.  You love me too much.” He murmurs against his neck.

“Don’t be too sure! What if I’ve fallen in love with someone else?” Ueda snorts.

“In that case you wouldn’t have bought that necklace to me for my birthday.”

“Eh?! That was supposed to be a surprise! How did you find out?”

Ryo just giggles and closes his eyes.
“Good night~”
“I guess I’ll just have to give you something else then… ” Ueda mutters before closing his eyes too.

“How about you in a maid outfit?” Ryo grins.

“NO!” He gives Ryo a soft kick with his heel and laughs quietly. “I think I already have something in mind.”

“Does it include me and you doing fun things?”

“You’ll see.”

“Will I like it?”


“Can you promise?”

“I promise you’ll never forget it.”

“Maid outfit~~”

“Good night Ryo-chan.”


Thanks for reading, comments are love~~<3

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded