koyamass (koyamass) wrote,

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Okay so this is a oneshot I wrote for [info]miruiki ^.^ I'm kind of worried about her since there was a typhoon attacking the place where she lives :'o I hope you're okay dear~~<33 And I hope you’ll like the fic! I’m sorry for not writing something longer and more interesting, but I’m totally out of ideas XD So this is what I came up with after…  a couple of days of thinking. Something really short and simple. And this is the first time I’m writing Ryoda x_____x

So here’s finally the fic Shi-chan! <33 And please let me know if you’re okay ;____;

In public
Pairing: Ryoda
Rating: PG
Author: Me
Summary: Ryo confessed to Ueda and got rejected. But Ueda suddenly changes his mind...?
Crappy summary, sorry XD But I really don’t know what to write ^^’’

Ryo stares at the ocean, watches as the waves hit the shore. He sighs, exhales with frustration, anger, sadness. The sun is slowly disappearing behind the horizon, making the water change from orange, to red, to pink. It’s beautiful, Ryo thinks. It’s one of the most beautiful scenes he’s ever been watching and yet, the only feelings filling his body up right now are anger, frustration and sadness. He can’t think of anything good. His face is dry from tears, his voice hoarse and his hair messy. He wears a white shirt, slight open, which is covered in dirt, and a pair of jeans. Two days ago he was happy. He and the rest of News had been informed that they were going to have a photoshoot in Hawaii, one of his favourite places on earth. The next day when arriving, they met kat-tun and got to know that they were going to take some photos together with them too. That moment, standing in front of kat-tun, that moment won’t leave Ryo’s mind. While the others were talking, his eyes had been fixed on the princess of the group. Ueda had been quite absent, playing with his hair, really not caring about anything else but himself. His childish and girly look had been making Ryo’s knees go week under him.


Ryo had been having a crush on Ueda for about two years now, but since they never had concerts or photoshoots together with kat-tun anymore, he barely got to see him at the Jimusho. And standing there all of a sudden, just a couple of metres away from him looking all gorgeous in his simple yet stylish clothes, made Ryo unable to speak. At one moment, Ueda had lifted his gaze to meet Ryo’s eyes, only for one second, but he remembered ending up with a bright red face and everyone’s eyes on him. Ueda had been laughing along with the others which made Ryo even more embarrassed.


The same night had been a night like this. The sky and ocean painted in beautiful colours, a soft breeze cooling down the hot atmosphere. Ryo came to think of the stupid idea of confessing to Ueda. The two of them had been standing at this spot, one all nervous and shaky, the other one calm and probably wondering what this was all about. There had been silence, and then some trembling words of love, then once again, silence. That night ended up with Ryo standing all alone looking at the ocean with tears warming up his face. The words repeated themselves in his head over and over again “I’m sorry… It won’t work. We can’t be like that.”


Ryo can hear the sound of the others’ voices from far away; laughing, having a great time, probably drunk by now. He turns his head and peers at them, almost unable to discern the two groups. He watches two figures he supposes are Jin and Pi as they cling on to each other singing stupid songs, and two other persons that are definitely Koyama and Shige, feeding each other while giggling stupidly. He doesn’t want to know what Ueda is doing and turns his head to the ocean again before finding him. He wishes he wouldn’t have said those words yesterday. If he hadn’t, everything would be normal. Maybe he would be sitting next to Ueda right now, teasing him, just like he used to. Maybe he would have been able to spend the whole night together with the man he loved, because really; that would be enough for him. To just stand by his side, make him laugh. But instead of that he’s now standing alone, feeling the tears burning behind his eye lids.


He doesn’t know for how long he has been standing there but suddenly a voice breaks the silence.

“Ne Nishikido-kun…” He flinches by the sound and turns around to find no other than Ueda looking at him with a worried look.

“Won’t you come join us? You look lonely.”

Ryo can’t believe the words leaving his lips like nothing happened yesterday.

“No, go back to the others. It’s not like you want me to be there anyway.” He snorts and turns to look at the ocean again.

“Actually Yamashita-san asked for you…”

“It looks like Jin can take care of him for tonight.”

“But Tegoshi’s all alone; nobody will listen to him when he talks. Come keep him company.”

“I don’t care about him.” There’s a long uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Ryo looks firmly at the horizon, refusing to look into Ueda’s eyes. Ueda is shaking a little because of nervousness. He doesn’t know what to say, how to act. What should he do? He knows Ryo will be angry if he says “I’m sorry” again, but just standing there looking stupid isn’t solving anything either.

“Everyone is drunk you know… Maybe you should come and take care of things? Yamashita…”

“Why are you avoiding it?” Ryo cuts him off. Ueda freezes and there is silence again.

“Why aren’t you saying anything about yesterday? Why are you pretending like nothing happened?” He still keeps his gaze fixed on the horizon. Ueda isn’t saying anything, he doesn’t know how to reply, and having Ryo not looking at him freaks him out.

“I don’t know… I… It’s… I’m sorry.” The words he doesn’t want to say leaves him once again.

Ryo doesn’t reply to that. He’s busy with holding the tears back and keeping his voice steady.

“I didn’t want to say those words yesterday… It wasn’t the answer I wanted you to hear.”

Finally Ryo turns his head. He looks straight into Ueda’s eyes, still not saying a word. He just raises his eye brows.

“I was so happy yesterday; I thought I had to be the luckiest man on earth having you say those words to me.”

There’s silence again and before Ryo has time to react or say anything, Ueda wraps his arms around Ryo’s waist. He doesn’t say anything, he just holds him tight, closing his eyes and resting his head on Ryo’s shoulder. Ryo doesn’t know how to react, he just stands there.

“I never said I didn’t like you… I just said it wouldn’t work, I’m sorry.” Ueda keeps holding on to him, his heart pounding hard against his chest, afraid of being pushed away. Ryo can’t hold his tears back anymore and lets them find their way down his cheeks, slowly, silently. Ueda keeps holding on to Ryo’s waist, waiting for him to push him away. But he doesn’t. Ryo doesn’t really understand what’s going on. His mind gets blurry and he can’t think straight, suddenly being hugged by this boy. Yesterday he got rejected by the love of his life and now he’s suddenly standing here, being tightly embraced by him. Why now? He hesitates, then slowly putting his arms around Ueda, pulling him tighter, not really sure what he’s doing.  They can still hear the voices of the others, who eventually aren’t noticing what’s happening between the two men.


“Will you stay with me tonight?” Ryo whispers, his voice trembling against Ueda’s neck, makes him shiver.


“Will you stay with me tomorrow too?”


Ryo doesn’t dare to ask for more, he just keeps holding on to the boy in a loose grip. They’re both nervous, scared of being pushed away by the other. Ueda’s head is a mess of thoughts and so is Ryo’s. No one wants to be the one to let go, so they keep on holding each other. Ueda feels tears starting to escape his eyes. He sobs and wipes them away with the back of his hand.

“Don’t cry.” Ryo mumbles.

“I’m sorry.” Ueda buries his face in Ryo’s shoulder, leaving wet spots on his shirt.

After a long time of just standing there, Ryo is the one to break the hug. He puts his hands on Ueda’s shoulders and looks firmly into his eyes. Ueda wipes away some tears before meeting his gaze. There’s an uncomfortable silence, no one is sure what to say.

“What exactly do you want?” Ryo asks.

“I want to be with you.” Ueda’s voice is shaky, unstable, and his eyes full of tears.

“Be with me then. I’m yours.” Ueda looks down to face to ground and sobs quietly. That’s exactly the words he has wanted to hear for ages, and now hearing them, makes him want to brake down and cry.

“What’s wrong? Why can’t you be with me?” Ryo’s still looking at him, eyeing him with a questioning look.

“I don’t know… I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”
“Of what everyone will say, of everything… Of being with you.”

Ryo doesn’t know how to reply to that. His grip on Ueda’s shoulders loosens slowly as his gaze drops.

“I see.” His hands drops from Ueda’s shoulders and are placed along his sides. His eyes still staring at the ground. Ueda gets nervous again.

“I didn’t mean it like that! Please… Nishikido-kun… This is so hard…”

Ryo raises his gaze and almost glares at the boy.

“Does it bother you that much? Showing that you like me and being close to me in public? Will you be ashamed? Embarrassed? It’s not like I’m asking you to push me up against a wall and rape me in the dressing room, I just don’t want you to look so fucking scared all the time when talking to me. I don’t want you to act like I’m a monster. Just be by my side. You don’t have to hold my hand or anything. Just… be there, show that you’re not afraid of me, that you like me. Is that so hard?” Ueda shakes his head, letting more tears fall from his eyes to hit the ground. Seconds pass by, he doesn’t reply and Ryo sighs.

“I don’t get you… I want to be with you more than anything in the world, and eventually you want to be with me too. Why can’t we just be like… Koyama and Shige? Why is it so hard to be close to me when the others are watching? Is it the fans? That you don’t want to change our image of hating each other?”

Ueda still shakes his head, not looking at Ryo.

“I don’t know myself.”

“Well, call me when you know.” Ryo turns to walk away but is stopped a shaky, thin voice.

“Don’t go…” He can hear the other one sob and he knows exactly what kind of face he’s doing right now. He knows that if he turns around, Ueda will look straight at him with red and puffy puppy eyes. And he’s afraid that if he sees that look, he’s not going to be able to leave him. And he has to, because being here is just getting him hurt.

“I’ll show them…”

Ryo doesn’t make a move, standing with his back towards Ueda.

“Show them what?” His voice is cold.

“My love. I’ll show them my love for you. I won’t look scared. I’ll stand by your side; show everyone how much I love you. I’ll do anything, but please don’t go…” He sobs. Ryo doesn’t know how to act or what to say. He opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but closes it again.


Two minutes of silence passes by.

“Promise?” His voice is a little softer.

“I promise.”

Ryo turns around, looks at the puffy eyed boy and smiles. It’s a warm and comforting smile, Ueda wipes his tears and smiles back. Ryo takes a step closer and embraces him in a tight hug.

“Thank you.” He holds him tight and buries his face in the crook of Ueda’s neck, inhaling the scent of the boy. Ueda Sighs and leans against him.

“It won’t be easy. But I’ll try, for you.”

“For us.”

“Yeah, for us.”


The hug lasts for minutes, none of them wanting to let go. Ueda is the one to break the hug when suddenly discovering a figure moving towards them. It’s Kame, definitely drunk as he stumbles his way through the sand.

“Hey, guys! We’re going back to the hotel, are you coming?” They nod and Ueda obviously feels awkward not knowing if Kame saw their hug. But he seems to be too drunk to care anyway. Soon Jin and Yamapi turn up behind Kame, Jin’s arm around Yamapi’s shoulders, they're both laughing hard. Ryo grins and moves his arms to rest on Ueda’s shoulders. Ueda flinches and frowns.

“Nishikido- kun…” He doesn’t replies, just leans forward and brushes against Ueda’s lips, smiling.

“Please, Nishikido-kun.” Ueda turns his head away, avoiding the other one’s lips, looking confused and uncomfortable.
“Let’s show them…” Ryo mumbles, moving his hands to place one at each side of Ueda’s cheeks, turning his head back in place. He places a soft kiss on his lips and Ueda sighs, hesitates to take a step back. The other guys have become silent, eventually staring at the two boys. Ryo doesn’t intend to move away, and leans forward to deepen the kiss. Ueda makes a little sound of protest but doesn’t move. Ryo places his hands behind Ueda’s neck and pulls him tighter. Finally, Ueda starts to relax.

They break apart.

“They’re looking…” Ueda whispers.

“Let them look. It’s okay.” Ryo whispers back, their lips only a breath away. Ueda nods, takes a deep breath and smiles.


“You guys probably had too much to drink!” Jin laughs and so do Kame and Yamapi.

“I’ll go get the others! They’ve got to see this! Nishikido Ryo and Ueda Tatsuya kissing!  That’s something you don’t get to see every day! The fans will go crazy!” He laughs and holds his stomach, pointing at Ryo and Ueda. “Just wait until tomorrow, you’ll be so mad at each other!”

Ueda calmly turns his head and smiles at the others.

“No, I haven’t had anything to drink tonight. I’m just in love with this guy.” He looks at Ryo again before he places his hands behind his neck and presses their lips together.

Thanks for reading! Comments are love~~

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