koyamass (koyamass) wrote,
koyamass
koyamass

I wanted to write something kind of depressive and put my own feelings into this fanfic, and this is how it turned out. Althuogh the quite sad story, I wanted a sweet end and well.. Read and tell me if I succeeded XD




Title: Darkness

Genre: Romance/Angst?
Pairing: Ryo/Ohkura
Rating: PG-13
Author: Me ^.^V
Summary: Ryo’s depressed and wants someone to comfort him. Really hard to figure out who it’ll be, I know… XDD Well, enjoy ^-^ Sorry if the English is bad ^^’


Where did that great feeling go? Why did it disappear all of a sudden? Where’s the light? Why am I kept in this darkness? I want to get out, I want to break free. But still I’m trapped in this endless hole of darkness. It hurts. My body hurts, my heart hurts and my head hurts. Why won’t this pain go away? “Leave me alone!!!” I want to scream. I want to fight back, make it all disappear. But you can’t fight against darkness, against feelings. It just won’t work that way. I wish somebody could save me; I wish someone would find me, lend me a hand and save me from the pain…

Nobody is coming; I’m left all alone…

Ryo lies in his bed, tries to fall asleep but his body won’t let him. He’s breathing slowly, like he’s hesitating in every breath, wondering if he’s still alive. He is, it disappoints him every time he founds out. He wishes his body wanted to let go, fall into that deep sleep, and never wake up again. Let him rest and not have to feel this endless pain. His eyes are closed, he’s afraid to open them and discover he’s still trapped in this world. When they’re closed, it almost feels like he’s dreaming. Or at least he can pretend to be. He wonders for how long he’s been lying there. For years? Months? Days? Or only a couple of hours? He doesn’t know and it scares him a bit. The room’s resting in total darkness, you can’t even see the figure on the bed. All you can do is to hear those slow breaths. He inhales, exhales, making the only sound in this room except the clock’s ticking noise. It seems like he’s going to lie like that forever and he’s about to finally fall asleep, when his cell phone makes a quiet buzzing sound. He finally opens his eyes, glances at the blinking vibrating phone in his hand next to him. He hasn’t answered the eight recent calls, why should he be answering now? He’s about to press the red button which turns the call down, when something inside him tells him not to. He’s feeling this call is different, it’s someone else, someone important. For the first time this day, he takes the phone to his ear and presses the green button. There’s no sound. He’s quiet and the other person’s quiet. There’s a long silence between the two phones.

“Ryo?” The other one asks. There is silence again.

“Hm?” The first noise except screaming, whimpering and whining from crying in three days leaves him. His voice is hoarse.

“Are you okay?” The other’s voice is soft, quiet and kind of anxious.

“No.” Ryo doesn’t care to lie, he doesn’t care to pretend being okay, putting fake smiles on. This time there’s no powers left to put this act on. This act of the cocky, self-confident and smiling Ryo. There’s just no powers left at all. He’s exhausted from just lying in his bed, barely breathing.

“What happened?” The other one asks. Ryo doesn’t want to answer. All he wants is to forget. To forget and to move on. Or drop dead. There’s no answer, he keeps silent.

“Please don’t do this to me…” Ryo knows this voice so well, he knows that the owner of it is about to cry, but still, he keeps silent. He loves this voice so much and it usually always makes him feel better. Hearing it this sad makes it hurt inside him even more. He can’t say anything; if he tries, all that would come out would be a quiet whimper. And he doesn’t want to show he’s crying, he doesn’t want to be weak.
“Please say something.” Ohkura begs, his voice shaky and quiet. “Should I come over?”

Ryo still doesn’t answer, he feels the tears finding their way down his face again. He promised himself not to cry, to not be this weak, and yet he’s lying there, trying to hide his sobs. He doesn’t want him to see him like this, but he doesn’t want to be alone either.

“I’m coming.” Ohkura says with a stronger voice and it feels good to hear those words. Even though Ryo doesn’t want to show his weakness, or Ohkura to see him like this, it feels good and he doesn’t say anything to stop him.

One… two… three… Ryo counts the minutes. He knows it takes about seven minutes for Ohkura to get here. It feels like hours, days maybe, before he hears that familiar sound of keys and a door opening.

“Ryo…?” The low voice calls, searching for an answer. Ryo still doesn’t make a sound; he’s lying in his bed, still with closed eyes and waits. He waits for that light that will search its way into the dark room and hit his eyes. He waits for the light, and for Ohkura.

“Ryo, are you in here?” Ohkura opens the door, lets the light in and looks at the figure lying in the bed. It looks so lonely, so sad. He approaches it slowly keeping his gaze steady at the body, as if it’s going to disappear any second. Ryo feels the presence of another person, it’s a feeling he’s been missing for these days. Hearing someone else’s breath, inhaling the scent of someone other than himself.

“Ryo… Ryo, Ryo…” The other one keeps mumbling in a concerned voice. Ryo feels the weight when he sits down next to him.
“What happened to you…?” He lies down and wipes the tears from Ryo’s cheeks and sighs. There is silence for a long time. A kind of awkward silence and it makes Ohkura uncomfortable. But he keeps looking at Ryo and wipes his tears.

There’s… this person….” Ryo’s voice is quiet, shaky and just sad. It’s rare to hear him like this.

“A person?” Ohkura repeats softly, stroking away the hair that’s covering Ryo’s eyes.

“Yes, a person. A guy…” He mutters.

“Someone you like?” No, someone I love, Ryo wants to say but just nods slowly.

“Did you tell him your feelings?” Ohkura’s voice is still calm and warming, Ryo nods again, trying to push away the memories haunting his mind.

“Did he reject you…?” Ryo wants to slap Ohkura in the head, yelling Would I be lying here if he didn’t?!  But he just nods again, saying “kind of…” while feeling more tears running down his cheeks. He doesn’t want to cry, but he can’t hide it and he doesn’t want to lie to Ohkura either.

“I’m so sorry…” Ohkura caresses Ryo’s hair, trying to comfort him. Ryo just cries, sobs and letting all the feelings out. He never thought he would ever be feeling like this because of a stupid crush, but now he’s laying here, tears flowing. But this time is different from the other times he’s been crying, this time he’s not alone. Ohkura’s right next to him, stroking his hair, mumbling words to just calm him down. And it makes Ryo feel better.

“Don’t think about that guy.” Ohkura whispers, barely able to hear. “Don’t think about him anymore. I don’t want you do feel like this.”

“I can’t forget… I can’t stop thinking about… him…” Ryo says between the sniffles.

“You will forget, I promise. You just have to let go.”

“I don’t want to let go… I don’t want to be alone…”

“You’re not alone, I’m here, I’ve always been here.” Ohkura says softly and caresses Ryo’s cheek. It doesn’t feel awkward, not with him.

“Promise?” For the first time this day, Ryo opens his eyes and meets Ohkura’s gaze. His eyes are puffy and red from crying so much, and they look right into Ohkura’s.

“I promise. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay by your side as long as you want me to.”

Ohkura moves closer and pulls him into a warm embrace. Ryo leans against his chest, letting a sigh escape his lips. He feels safe having these strong arms wrapped around him. The two men lay like that, in total darkness, for a long time just listening to each others breath. Ryo inhales the scent of Ohkura and closes his eyes, listening to the other man’s heart. For the first time in three days, he feels complete. It’s like there’s been a hole in him filled with darkness and sorrow, and now Ohkura is filling it up.

“Thanks…” Ryo mumbles and buries his face in Ohkura’s chest, he wants to be closer, to become one with him. Ohkura answers with pulling him closer and stroking his back.
“Please don’t go away…” Ryo whispers almost inaudible against Ohkura’s chest.

“I won’t leave you.” Ohkura pulls away and looks straight into Ryo’s eyes. “I promise, I won’t leave you.” Their faces are close, only a few centimetres away from each other. Ryo looks into those dark eyes he loved for such a long time, he feels safe only by looking into them. Ohkura leans closer, their faces only a breath away. “I promise… I’ll stay by your side…” he whispers as he decreases the distance and lightly brushes against the other ones lips. “I won’t go away.” He closes his eyes and presses his lips against Ryo’s, unable to control the feelings rushing inside of him. Ryo sighs into the kiss and gives in. He puts his hand behind Ohkura’s neck and carefully tastes his lower lip. Ohkura cups his face in his strong palms and pokes Ryo’s lips with his tongue. Ryo doesn’t hesitate and lets him in. The kiss lasts for only a few seconds and Ryo doesn’t want to pull away. Ohkura breaks them apart and they look at each other, not really knowing what happened. But it feels so right. For the first time in three days, Ryo smiles, barely visible, but it’s a smile and that makes Ohkura’s heart fill with pure happiness and relief.

“You know…” Ryo says in a low voice, still facing Ohkura. “I guess you just didn’t take me serious…”

Ohkura makes an Hm?-sound and wrinkle his eyebrows.

“When I told you I like you.”

Ohkura still doesn’t understand and tries to figure out what he’s talking about only by looking into his eyes.

“I’ve been lying here for three days in total darkness… Just because of you… Just because of a stupid misunderstanding…”

Ohkura still doesn’t understand. Because of him?

“I told you I like you, didn’t I? Remember?” Ryo talks in a low unstable voice, still not recovered from all the crying. Then Ohkura remembers. He remembers the two of them walking side by side, drunk. Laughing, talking aloud and holding on to each other to not fall down on the ground. Suddenly in all the jokes and silly comments, Ryo had been grabbing Ohkura’s shoulders and turning him to face him. He had been looking straight into his eyes with a serious, but kind of drunk and tired look.

“I like you.” He had been saying. Ohkura had started to laugh, hugging him and saying “I like you too Ryo-chan~~ You’re my best friend ne~” not knowing these words had been coming from Ryo’s heart, not knowing these words were not just things he said because of being drunk. Ryo’s heart had been stabbed, stomped on and totally crushed. And Ohkura had known nothing.

“Ryo… I’m so sorry…” He whispers, eyes full of tears as the memory reaches him.

“It’s okay.” Ryo says softly “It’s okay… You’re here now, right? And you’ve promised to stay with me… That’s all I need. ” Ryo places a soft kiss on Ohkura’s lips and smiles.

“You saved me.”

_______________________


Okay, so this is my first real oneshot.
Comments are love ^-^
Thanks for reading!

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